What if
by mariedex
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave
1. Default Chapter

**Title:** What if  
  
**Author:** Mariedex   
  
**Spoilers:** After FO, a year in the future.   
  
**Disclaimer:** The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
**Rating:** PG-13   
  
**Summary:** Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
  
  
  
Today had not been a good one for Samantha Spade. She had gotten up late and realized that she had forgotten to pick up some coffee on the way home last night. The landlord was working on the plumbing so there was no hot water and all of her suits were still at the dry cleaners.   
  
The only good thing was that Ryan was still sleeping soundly. At least for the moment she was. But Sam knew that it wouldn't last for long, not considering the screaming that came last night. This was just the calm before the storm. Sam knew that she had to make the most of her quiet time to get her ready in peace. This was her only time during the day in which she was able to be alone. At work she was always on and during her lunch breaks she would go down to the day care and sit with Ryan. That guilt of leaving her always tugged. Maybe she should get another job, maybe she should try to work at home, maybe she should call Jack. No, push that out of her head. She has tried that one before when Ryan was born. All of her inhibition had left her and perhaps some of the drugs that they had given her had helped.  
  
_Jack Malone. The voice answered on the other end, curt and simple._  
  
_ That's all she could say amazed that even those words had left her mouth.  
  
There was a silence at the other end of the phone and then a whisper. It was more of a question rather than a confirmation.  
  
Hi. I was just calling to say hi. No that wasn't the case. She was calling to tell him that his daughter had just been born two months premature and was laying in an incubator and that she needed him.  
  
It's so good to hear from you. I have been meaning to call, but you changed your cell phone number. How are you? He was rambling a bit, confused about why she decided to call now. It had been four months since her transfer. Four months since VanBoren had told him about her letter. Four months since their argument about her leaving. He almost lost it during that fight. All the resolve that he had built up about them. He did lose it when she left. Those weeks of trying to pretend with Marie that they were getting better. It simply wasn't because all he wanted was the woman who had just went above him to ask for a transfer.  
  
Good and you?   
  
Okay. How do you like Minneapolis?   
  
It's good. How are things going with you? She waited for an answer but instead she heard them in the background. Daddy come on. She recognized the voice, it was Hannah._  
  
_In a minute, sweetie.   
  
Sam didn't need to hear more. She simply hung up the phone and started crying. She never would call him again, she never would have the nerve. Jack had tried to call her back but the caller ID came from a hospital and nobody picked up the phone in the room that they said she was staying in._  
  
That conversation had hurt more than it should have. She should have known that Marie and him would have gotten back together. That their marriage would work. Once Jack had his mind set on something there was no going back. So here she was now alone, without him. She wouldn't allow herself to wonder what would have happened if she had told him that night or if she had sent that letter which was still sitting on her desk. She had gotten so far as putting the stamp on it. But now it just sat there, unmailed.   
  
A faint cry woke her from her thoughts. There was no time for reminiscing, she was already late for work. She had to get Ryan up and ready. She left a quick message for her boss that she would be there in thirty minutes. She quickly got Ryan up and fed her. Than put her favorite soft outfit on and they were off. Luckily Ryan wasn't crying. Maybe the medicine was working.   
  
The ride to work was peaceful enough. It was only when she went to drop Ryan off did the day start to get really rough. Ryan started crying like there was no tomorrow. She didn't want to let go of her mother and it crushed Sam to do it. Maybe she should just take another day off. No she couldn't keep doing that, part of her knew that Ryan was just going to have to get used to being dropped off at daycare. It helped though that she could run down at any time to check on her. So Sam braved up and walked out the door, leaving her daughter behind screaming. The daycare knew that she could be contacted and usually they were able to calm her down after Sam was gone. She resolved herself to the fact that Ryan would be okay in a minute and that she herself was late to work and desperately needed coffee. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 2:   
  
Coffee was the first thing on her mind as she stepped off of the elevator. It did not register that voices coming from the other side of the room. Adam stepped up to her and tried to tell her something, but Sam only put her hand up to him. At this moment she only needed coffee and nothing else. Her head was still aching from her screaming child and the guilt that came with walking in the elevator. She then turned from Adam towards her desk, the coffee mugged glued to her lips. It was then when she started to hear the voices, it was definitely Danny and Jack. She turned around and both of them smiled at her. She wasn't quite sure if she smiled back.  
  
Okay I'm confused. She teased at this moment she need to be calm and normal. Like there was no problem with her former boss being in front of her. I am gone for a couple of days. How are you two?  
  
We just flew in this morning. A missing girl case, very reminiscent of one that we just had. Danny said, hoping that Sam wouldn't kill him right there on the spot. He only hoped that it would come later in a more reserved environment. Right now he could put up with her saccharine grin.   
  
I asked then to come down and give us some help. Her boss smiled at her as she said this. Anna knew only that Sam had wanted a transfer and had requested her office. She also knew that there was something else there, but that was something that was none of her business. What she did know was that Special Agent Samantha Spade was a brilliant agent and she was quite curious to met her mentor.  
  
Sorry I have been gone for a couple of days, anyone want to fill me in. Sam replied back, knowing full well that the only thing that would keep her sane at this moment was her work.  
  
Amanda Barns, age 8, went missing 5 hours ago. She was at the park playing with a friend when suddenly she disappeared. Jack began the run down of the case.  
  
And this connects to your case how?   
  
Jamie Michaels, age 8, Greenwich Connecticut was taken two weeks ago from a local park and found murdered three days later. Sara Johnson, age 8, Akron Ohio, was taken 10 days ago. Her body was found 6 days ago. And Norah Smith, age 8, also taken from a park in Evanston Illinois 5 days ago. Her body was found last night.  
  
So we are looking for a serial murderer?  
  
Not necessarily, according to the forensics all of their deaths occurred as a result of exposure. Most likely they tried to escape and didn't know where to go. According to their autopsy they were all being treated very well.  
  
So you think that there is some kind of connection?  
  
The autoposy's revealed similar characteristics, including what they were fed and what they were wearing. Plus all of the girls were taken in a park under similar circumstances, their parents weren't there and they were being watched by a baby-sitter. Jack was very direct in his comments. He always was, especially with this case. They had come very close to catching the guy the first time and the girl still alive, but they hadn't.   
  
Jack handed her the files. Sam tried very hard to concentrate but the situation ion was making it very awkward. Give me a minute to look over these files.  
  
You can look them over in the car. We need to go meet Amanda's parents. Jack was taking the lead of this case. He wanted to work with Samantha. He honestly missed working with her.   
  
Okay, just give me a moment and I will be ready. Shit Samantha thought all she needed was to be in a car with Jack right now. She gathered up the files that had been on her desk and made a quick call. It's Agent Spade, how is she? Good. I am going into the field, but you have my cell if you need. Great. Thanks.   
  
Danny bent over her desk. This was a side of her he didn't get a chance to see much and it always tended to amaze him. She was a mother. Her whole face would light up when you mentioned Ryan. Sorry, I tried to call, but your line was off the hook. Danny mumbled when she got off the phone. He knew Jack was waiting.   
  
I took it off last night. So I could get some sleep.  
  
Her ears?  
  
Yeah. I don't know what to do. Their conversation was short, but to the point. Danny knew that she was facing a dilemma that she was scared off. Ryan's ear infections had become more abundant and there were times when she couldn't hear at all. And the antibiotics were doing very little. They were afraid that she might lose her hearing all together. The doctor wanted to put in tubes but Sam didn't want risk surgery, she was just too young and what if they were jumping the gun, what if the infections stop in a week. She was confused on what to do. Danny knew this. Which is partially when Jack mentioned that Minneapolis needed some help, Danny jumped at the opportunity. He hoped that maybe he could help Sam.   
  
We'll talk. Was all Danny said. That was all he had to say and she was relieved. He had been such a good friend to her. This was just one way.  
  
Jack stepped up behind them. He was ready to go.  
  
See you when you get back. Samantha replied smiling back at Danny as Jack and her walked to the elevator. She proceeded to take one of the files out and begin reading.  
  
The drive up was awkward. Neither of them talked. Everyone once and while, Jack would look over at her as she read her files. Sam was always aware of him, when he did this. Her heart ached a little.  
  
_ Jack said as he stood in her doorway. Thought that I should stop by and see how you are doing.  
  
I'm good. Coming back to work tomorrow.   
  
I know they both stood in the doorway. The question of whether he was going to come in or not hung in the air.  
  
Doctor says that I should be up and running in no time.   
  
So I hear. A fast recovery.  
  
Um, do you want to come in?   
  
  
  
So how are you doing?  
  
Jack replied as he walked into her apartment. He always had loved her apartment. There was something very comforting about it. It wasn't large or empty. It was small and slightly cluttered. There were lots of pillows and art hanging on the wall. Her books were flowing out of her bookshelves into piles on the floor. She was always reading. He found that interesting. He would often wake up at night and find her curled up in a chair reading. She would always look up at him with this smile. She was so content at those times.  
  
When is the trial going to be.  
  
The lawyers think in a couple months. His lawyer is pleading insanity.  
  
Not suprising. Do you want some tea or something?  
  
No, I m good. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were.  
  
I'll be fine.  
  
You know that you did what you had to do. You weren't supposed to be some martyr in there.  
  
I know. I just ...  
  
You just what?  
  
I just keep thinking that there was something else that I should have done.  
  
There wasn't. You were working him on your side, getting him to trust you, to confide in you. You couldn't have done anything to stop the hostage situation. Your job was to try to find out about Sydney Harrison and to keep everyone inside calm. My job was to get you out. He smiled at her.  
  
Thanks for that by the way. She smiled at him slightly and he smiled back.  
  
He brushes a stray piece of hair out of her eyes.  
  
No, really . Thanks for that. Tears start to form in her eyes. She doesn't want to cry, not now, not in front of him. But he sees that in her and pulls her close to his chest and kisses the top of her head. She hears him. She knows that he is crying, she knows. She touches his face while still buried in his chest. His kisses her palm, she can feel the tears.  
  
I wasn't going to let you die in there. I couldn't. He whispers  
  
I was so scared that you would. That you would have no choice. I was trying to be so brave, but I could feel myself slipping. Jack ....  
  
He held her and let her cry. He knew that she had probably not allowed herself to cry like that since the bookstore. She always tried to be so strong.   
  
After what seemed like an eternity, she looked up at him. This was the first time that she had really looked at him. How are you doing?  
  
He smiled at her slightly as she starred intently at him. She always did that, always worried more about him. I'm fine.  
  
Have you been sleeping?  
  
A little.  
  
She touched his face. She could see the worry in his eyes and the exhaustion. You need to sleep.  
  
I can't. She starred at him longer. He never could get away from that stare. He never could lie to her, he never could hide anything from her. If she wanted him to tell her, than that stare would always make him. I'm sorry.  
  
For what?  
  
For all of this. Nashburn told me that I was a petty man because of you. Because I can't let you go Sam.  
  
  
  
I can't. I miss you. When I found out that you had been shot all I could think of was that I can't lose you. And that is not fair to you. You deserve better. You don't deserve some petty man.  
  
Jack you're not a petty man.  
  
I had a affair. I betrayed my wife's trust, my family. I felt empty and I wanted something anything to take that away. You were that. I used you, Sam. Yet all I could think of when you were in that store was that I couldn't lose you. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep bouncing around. My loyalty is to my family, Sam. I have two little girls who don't understand why their daddy doesn't live with them. I have a wife who can barely stand to look at me. But what keeps me up at night is you. I need you. But it's not right and it's not fair to you.  
  
Jack you didn't force me. I went into this whole thing with my eyes wide open. I know you. I don't blame you for any of this. If anyone is to blame its me. I knew exactly what was happening and I still went ahead. It was good. She smiled at him and put her hand on his cheek. But you are right, you know. Your girls need you and I can't keep taking that away from you. They need their father and you are such a good father.  
  
She smiled and watched his expression change. It was like somewhere in his head a decision was made. He kissed her forehead. I've missed you. He whispered. I know. Sam replied back. I love you. He murmured as he kissed her lips. She wasn't expecting this, she was expecting to fall in love with him.   
  
That night she swore would be their last night. She made him promise that he would work it out with Maria. He smiled and held her tighter. That night, he devoured her, completely enamored by her. She could tell that he was desperately try to relish every moment, every part of her. And she allowed him to. She didn't even care that her leg ached or that she probably would be bruised in the morning. She didn't even care that they were so careless. It was the last night that they had and she didn't want it to end.   
  
But it did. And they went about their lives acting as if it had never happened. Every once and while though she could feel him starring at her. She wanted to return the stare, but she didn't think that she could maintain her composure, especially after she found out. _


	3. Chapter 3

_I_Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 3:   
  
I_t was a routine physical checkup. It was only just to make sure that her leg was healing properly. But when the doctor told her the results of her latest blood work she almost fainted.   
  
Sam didn't tell anybody, not for a while at least. At first, she tried to ignore the results. For some stupid reason she thought that it would all go away. It was a stupid, she knew. But for awhile that was all she had, that was all she could do to keep herself sane. There were always those moments when Vivian would talk about her son or Jack about his girls that would Sam wake up and realize where she was. She would often find herself in the bathroom staring at herself in the mirror. She knew that she needed to figure out what she needed to do, but every day going to work and seeing Jack confused the issue. They were over, she kept telling herself, yet every once and a while he would give her that look. It was the same look that he had given her over a year ago, that look that told her that all she had to do was come. That all he needed from her was some sort of recognition and then the decision would be made. She knew at that moment, if she simply went over and told him that he would be there for her no matter what. She would not be alone at night, starring up at the ceiling. She would not be sitting and reading information about her options. He would be with her and that would be the end. That look gave her the confidence to not tell him. It would be so easy for them to fall back into old habits. It would be so easy to ruin his family and his kids, to take their father away. She just couldn't do. She couldn't stand the thought of taking him away from them. No matter what she knew that telling Jack was not the answer.  
  
But what was the answer? One night she made up her mind. It was her only choice, it was the only right thing to do. That night she knocked on Danny's door and asked him to do her a favor. She needed a ride home from a clinic. Danny was shocked, not only that she was pregnant and that she didn't tell him, but that she wanted to have an abortion. The look on his face broke all of the resolve that Sam had been building and she broke down. She cried the entire night and he just held her and listened to her. Never once did he judge her. Although she knew he probably did. But he was more angry with the situation. That here she was alone, the strongest woman he knows and she was reduced to tears. He also knew that she didn't really want to terminate the pregnancy. That was one thing he was sure off. But she felt there was no other way and that angered Danny even more.   
  
The next morning Sam got as far as the doctors office. She was sitting in the waiting room. Danny was only supposed to pick her up. She thought if he was there with her like he offered than she would chicken out. She doesn't remember what happened except she that got up and walked out the door. She walked all the way to the FBI building. She stood in the park across the street and watched for a while. A few minutes later by chance, Danny, Vivian and Martin walked out and stood by a car. She saw Jack walking down. They were going somewhere or meeting up, whichever. She called Danny's cell but hung up. She could see him back away and redial her number.   
  
  
  
  
  
I'm across the street at the park. She couldn't barely contain herself.  
  
I told you that I would pick you up. He whispered and looked over at the park, trying to find her.  
  
I couldn't do it. I don't know why, but I just couldn't. She started crying.  
  
I'll be right there. She could see him walk over to the others and say something. Than he quickly dogged the traffic and came to her. She often wondered if they saw her there. If they saw her break down in Danny's arms. If they saw Danny hail a cab on the other end of the park to take her home. She spent the night crying and sleeping.   
  
Danny just held her and let her ramble. He bounced ideas off her head. He even offered to be the baby's father. That only made Sam cry harder. He was trying his best to be so good. She could tell that all he wanted to do was go hunt Jack down. Every time she said that it was her fault, he corrected her. This was the first night in which she realized how good of a friend he really was. He never allowed her to blame herself or think this was some kind of mistake.   
  
That morning as Sam slept he called Jack and let him know that Sam would need to take the day off. She still hadn't gotten over the flu thing. He would also need a couple of hours, he was going to bring her to the doctor. She was in no condition to go alone. Danny than called some contacts that he had in other regions to figure out where Sam could transfer to. He knew that if this happened, it needed to happen immediately. Judging from last night Sam was in no condition to face Jack.  
  
He talked to a friend in Minneapolis. It sounded as if they needed an extra hand. When he mentioned Samantha, Adam thought that would be great. So that was set, he worked on her transfer letter. While all of this may seem a bit possessive, Danny knew that right now Sam didn't have the strength for it all. She needed a friend and that was what he was going to give her.  
_


	4. chapter 4

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 4:   
  
The interview had gone well, the parents knew nothing. But Sam felt that the dad was holding something back. When they got back in the car, Sam sighed.  
  
Jack asked as he started up the car. He could tell that something was rattling around in her brain.  
  
Perfect family. Sam said, a bit sarcastic.   
  
And there is no such thing. Jack knew that would be her comment, how could it not be. He could feel the same tension from the parents. So what do you think of the dad?  
  
Not much.... Sam wished at that moment that Danny had been sitting in the car with them. Actually she just wished that anybody else was, somebody who could keep their conversation professional and not allow it to switch.  
  
  
  
Meaning that he was hiding something, being a bit too loving, a bit too touchy. If my daughter just went missing the last thing I would want would be my husband trying to grope me.  
  
That's a bit extreme.  
  
Okay grope not the right word, but he was awfully touchy right?  
  
Yeah, he was.  
  
He also gave me this creeped out look.  
  
Saw that one too. Happily married men, don't usually give you that look. As soon as Jack said that he wanted to take it back. He knew the look because he had given the same one to Sam. That look that wondered what her skin would feel like, taste like.  
  
So what? He's having an affair or wanting too and then his daughter goes missing. He's feeling guilty or possibly wondering if he had anything to do with him.  
  
Possibly. We should probably do a background check on him. Call Danny.  
  
Sam picked up her phone and dialed Danny's number. It took him a few rings to answer. Hey, it's Samantha. I need you to run a background check on Michael Barns.  
  
We are all good here, thanks for asking. My goddaughter has gotten big, what have you been feeding her?  
  
  
  
We are both just sitting practicing lifting our heads, you know I think that she is better at it than I am. So you need a background check.  
  
Yeah, something is sketchy about him. Our guess is he is having an affair.  
  
Jack there. That must be one comfortable drive. You know what Samantha, I think that I am in love. Granted she may be a bit young, but we can always work around that.  
  
We will be back in an hour.  
  
Hey, the teacher here said that she stay late tonight if you need her to. Do you want me to ask?  
  
Yeah that would be great. Sam thought it was funny, whenever Danny got around Ryan he gets in complete Dad mode. Maybe she should have taken him on his suggestion and said that he was the father.   
  
So I will see you when I get back. Just don't laugh at the Ryan spit stain. By the way she is doing good. The teacher said that she has only cried a little bit today. Maybe the medicine finally is working.  
  
Thanks Danny.  
  
Thanks yourself, I will see you when you get back. Sam hung up the phone and smiled to herself.  
  
Danny is getting right on it. Jack nodded. So why are you so interesting in this case?  
  
The first case, Jamie Michaels, was close. We got to her just a few hours after she died. All of the cases had been like that. Like this guy knows exactly what we are going to do and is always one step ahead. And what he does to those little girls... Jack didn't finish his thought. He didn't want to say it out loud. Every time he did he saw his girl's faces, their innocence.  
  
So we will catch him this time. And put him in a nice friendly jail where he can be treated with the respect that all child molesters get. She smiled at him and stared at her for a moment. He missed her. He missed that comfort, that solace that she always gave him.  
  
Sorry, not to warn you that we were coming. Danny tried to call but your line was off the hook.  
  
Yeah, they have been doing some work in my development.  
  
Have you been sick?  
  
No, why?  
  
You said that you were out for a couple of days.  
  
Oh, I took some personal time.  
  
You okay?  
  
Fine. How are Hanna and Katie?  
  
They are good. Jack smiled, he always smiled when he talked about his girls. Perhaps that was the most endearing thing about him, it is definitely what Sam remembers most about, the light he would get in his eye when he talked about them. You should have seen them when that new Harry Potter book came out. They dragged me to the Barnes and Noble on Union Square at midnight just to get it. You would have gotten a kick out of them, three hours in line. They proceeded to tell me the entire story and all of the background story, along with the authors life. Then when they got the book, they read it on the entire drive home. It was fairly amazing. Here I am standing with thousands of other parents waiting in line for a book.  
  
Yeah, I can see them doing that. Sam replied, that was Jack, that was the type of father that he was, he would do anything for his girls. So did you have to buy two or did they share?  
  
I had to buy two. They are in this not sharing mode thing. Now all they can talk about is getting separate rooms. Katie thinks that she is too old to live with her baby sister.  
  
And you, what do you think?  
  
I think that there aren't two rooms for them to have.  
  
I remember at that age Zoe and I could hardly stand to be near each other. I thought she was way too immature. And we are only two years apart.  
  
How is Zoe? The conversation started to get a lot lighter. She could tell that Jack was definitely feeling more comfortable talking to her.  
  
She's good. Still in the middle east. She's now in Iran, following some big story which she swears will get her a pulitzer.  
  
Good and . .. Kevin? Jack stumbled over the name. The last time he had seen Zoe she was completely in love with this guy, although Jack still has no idea why.  
  
Now it's Micah and she is swearing up and down about him. Who knows? I just try to live through her adventures. So how is the New York office? Danny said you got someone new?  
  
Yeah, Aaron. He's good. Viv misses your estrogen I think. By the way she says hi. And Martin has been completely depressed since you left. I think he had a slight crush on you.  
  
You think, do you. Sam smiled, she knew that there were certain things that Jack never noticed. Martin's crush was one of them. Not like she didn't like his cluelessness ... she knew that if he had known then there would have been no end to the torture.  
  
What he did? Jack turned to look at Sam, with a wink. And Danny, well, he is at a loss. Martin just doesn't fill your void.  
  
So good.   
  
And I miss you. Jack half mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Sam to hear and smile but not loud enough that either had to acknowledge it.  
  
The rest of the ride was silent. Danny called and wanted him to check out a lead that he had found. An Angela Davis, that works for the father.   
  
When did you start working for Mr. Barns? Sam started her questioning, while Jack surveyed the room.  
  
For a year and half, I think. I started last June. The woman was a little agitated.  
  
You work in the accounting office? The woman nodded. How well do you know his family?  
  
Not that well. His wife and daughter would come in sometimes. But they would never stay long.  
  
And your relationship with Mr. Barns? Sam hated this line of questioning, ever since she had been at the other end of it.  
  
He was boss. A good one.  
  
So he was just your boss?  
  
Look. I know that his kid is missing and I know that you probably are here because some busy body at work talks too much. If you are asking me if Mr. Barns and I had an affair. We didn't. But....'  
  
But what? Jack spoke up from the back.  
  
But we both talked about it. He just couldn't do it. You know, he didn't love his wife and wanted a divorce. But that little girl was the reason he stayed. He told me once that she threatened that if he ever did anything to mess up the marriage that he would never see her again. The woman was obviously annoyed that they were there and questioning. Sam knew that this was a dead end.  
  
As they headed to the car Jack asked, So you believe her?  
  
She was fairly honest, besides you don't even think the kidnapping is about the father.  
  
Got to look at all the angles. Jack looked away he was thinking about something Sam knew that.  
  
What are you thinking  
  
  
  
  
  
It's just ... the wife threatened him about having an affair before it was even an issue.  
  
She must have had some reason for it. I mean Ms. Davis said that something could have gone on.  
  
But it didn't though. That is the problem. Why would the wife threaten him like that? And it's odd that he would even tell the possible mistress.  
  
It is a good excuse though. The odd thing is that a mother would threaten him like that, with her child. You leave me and you'll never see your child again.  
  
It's the most effective threat to a father who loves his kids. Jack was thinking out loud on this one. What if we are looking at their relationship in the wrong way? What if we are so used to the father having some issues that we both looked for it. The mother did seem a little distant.'  
  
Jack she was probably on some type of drug. Her daughter was abducted, I think that I would be a little distant if that happened to me.  
  
The husband said that she didn't take anything, remember.  
  
So now we think that there is something up with the mother?  
  
Think about it for a moment. A marriage is in trouble, the husband is looking at other women. The wife gets scared that something will happen, she threatens him with losing his child all together. It scares the guy off, but the wife doesn't know it, so she decides to take things a little farther. Or he decides to take things under his control a little. Make sure that she can't take his daughter away.  
  
That's a stretch. First of all there is nothing in the case to suggest that the mother did anything wrong. Besides the threat was mute because no infidelity happened. Even if it did, it doesn't mean that he couldn't get custody of the girl if they got divorced.  
  
Infidelity is pretty serious in divorce court. It might just get the wife full custody.  
Sam looked at Jack for a moment. She was very curious where his head was at. Trust me on this one Sam, divorce courts don't look to favorably on cheating husbands.  
  
Suddenly the alarm went of in Sam's mind. Jack, Marie didn't try to take the girls away because of us did she?


	5. Chapter 5

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 5:   
  
Jack looked straight ahead for a while, not saying anything. Sam just looked at him. Marie and I are getting a divorce, the papers should be ready in a couple weeks.  
  
Sam whispered, she couldn't believe what he was saying. Jack pulled over and turned off the ignition to the car. This was partly his reason for coming. He wanted to be the one to tell her.   
  
It just didn't work. I tried, but we just couldn't get past everything. It wasn't fair to her or the girls to keep trying. Marie and I just kept fighting and it was hurting Hannah and Katie. One day, Marie and I had teacher's conference with Hannah's teacher. Apparently Hannah was going around yelling at everyone. Starting fights. When the teacher wanted to know why, Hannah just told her that it was just what you do. That you fight with people. Sam, Hannah thought that mine and Marie's fights were how we communicated. That registered as love. That was when I knew, we had to end it. I couldn't keep pussy footing around the issue.  
  
Sam honestly didn't know what to say. This was the last thing that she every expected.  
  
In two weeks, it will all be over.  
  
You didn't lose custody?  
  
No, it's shared. Not like her lawyer didn't try. He tried to bring up us as a reason that I was a unfit father. Luckily, Marie stopped. She hates me, but not that much. My lawyer said that the judge very easily could have seen that as me being an unfit parent. Given the length of time we were together and the fact that I was your boss -- It wouldn't have been seen as a one-time mistake. So... back to the case. Yes the wife could have gotten full custody.  
  
Jack, I'm sorry.   
  
Don't be. I'm not. The truth is it wasn't ever going to work even if you hadn't been in the picture. Marie and I just drifted apart and nothing was going to change that. I guess I just wanted you to hear it from me about the divorce, not Danny.  
  
Sam smiled at him. She knew that this must have been hard for him. He had a habit of beating up on himself. Are you okay?  
  
Yeah, I'm fine. The hardest thing is the girls. Telling them that I am not going to come home, but they can visit my place. Hannah didn't talk to me for weeks and Katie doesn't quite understand but I think Hannah has been trying to explain it to her because lately she just gives me an evil eye before she hugs me. LIke she knows that she is supposed to be made at me but doesn't know why.  
  
Sam wasn't quite sure what to say, so she decided to simply say nothing. Jack must have taken her silence as a hint and started the car back up. Divorce' that word kept rolling around in her head. All of those times when she chided him about it. All those arguments they had. She never thought that he would actually go through with it. She never thought that Marie and Jack would end. They had too much history, they had the girls. Suddenly, the pang of guilt hit her. Ryan. He had just lost two girls and he lost another that he never even knew he had. No, she thought, he didn't lose Hannah and Katie. Nothing had changed. He never knew about Ryan, that was the decision she made, so that he could have Hanna and Katie, so he could make his marriage work. But it hadn't. Now what?  
  
Sam just closed her eyes and let the sounds of the car's motor soothe her. The case that was what she needed to think about. Not her messed up life. A little girl was missing and they had to find her. She turned on the overhead light and started going through the file again. She must be missing something.   
  
When they got back to the office everyone was sitting around the conference table talking about their facts. None of the information that anyone had gotten was any good and they were no closer to finding the little girl. Anna suggested that they call it a night. Perhaps some sleep would help everyone. That was the difference between Anna and Jack. Jack thrived on adrenaline. He needed those overnighters to work at his best. Anna, on the other hand, was a lot more cautious. She liked to sleep on things, let facts ramble around in her brain. Usually, when they would all reconvene the next morning Anna would set them on some new lead that brought them in the right direction. It was amazing that two FBI agents in the same field could have two distinct styles. At times she missed Jacks adrenaline. She missed those late nights. But at this moment in her life, being able to go home at night sounded very good.   
  
Danny had suggested that he and Sam have dinner. Jack was going to stay and work a little while. Sam was actually relieved when Jack didn't take the invite. They stopped by the daycare and picked Ryan up. The smile on her face when she saw Sam was priceless. On the drive home, Sam said nothing. She was still processing what Jack had told her.   
  
Danny held Ryan as they walked into her house.   
  
Sam said simply.   
  
He told you. Danny as he went to put Ryan in her highchair and proceeded to feed her. This was one of the things he always did when he came to visit. He took over for Sam for a while. He had always thought that she was insane to do this all on her own. So when he could, he helped.  
  
It's funny, you know.  
  
That now.  
  
Yeah. All those times I chided him. God, Danny you should have heard some of our fights. I would get so mad at him. He would come over and tell me that he loved me and then get up in the middle of the night to go home. It was such a freaking roller coaster ride. So I decide to get off and he goes and gets a divorce.  
  
  
  
I never thought he would do it.  
  
He's been a lot happier since.  
  
What do you mean?  
  
He has just seemed a lot more relieved, like the decision was made and there was no more debate.  
  
He hated the debate.  
  
Danny paused a moment not quite knowing how to say this.  
  
  
  
I think you leaving was good for him. It gave him some distance to figure things out. For both of you.  
  
  
  
But he was the one who suggested to VanDoren that the Minnesota office needed some help.  
  
He told me he wanted to tell me himself.  
  
Okay, truth here. If he wanted you back, what would you do?


	6. Chapter 6

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 6:   
  
Sam started laughing. What are we 16 again? If he wants me back.?  
  
I'm serious here. I said that I thought it was good for him that you left, I didn't mean because he got over you. My guess is that he is even more in love with you than he was before. You should have seen him before you got to the office, he was so nervous. It was like he was a teenager again. He got this spark in his eyes when you walked. Don't think that I don't know that spark.  
  
Sam thought for a moment, what if it was true what if he was still in love with her. Was she still in love with him? This is silly Danny. Even if it is true, it is not that simple. Ryan.  
  
_Samantha, my office now! Jack yelled as he walked down the hall. He had just had his meeting with VanDoren and he did not look amused. Sam had been sitting talking with Martin. She gave a quick look at Danny before she got up.   
  
He muttered. She could here Martin ask him what was up as she walked into the office.  
  
Shut the door. Jack said not looking up. Sam did as she was told.  
  
She half asked as question and half as an excuse.  
  
Transfer is approved. He said coldly. You just need to sign here. They are expecting you next Monday. That should give you a week to pack. Check with Human Resources about your accommodations.  
  
She had never expected him to be this cold. She expected him to be angry at her but not cold, not distant. She didn't know if she could handle this. In her head, she had been prepared to fight him. This was even more unbearable.   
  
I have given you a week's vacation time to prepare. You can clean your desk before you leave tonight. Then for the first moment he looked up from his paperwork. Sam knees went weak, she thought she was going to faint right there. The look he gave her was so horrible. It was so distant.   
  
Sam wanted to explain. but he didn't give her a choice. He got up and opened the door.  
  
It was good working with you Agent Spade. He closed the door behind her and went back to his desk.   
  
Sam walked out shell-shocked. She went to her desk and grabbed her coat and purse without saying a word. She then turned and walked towards the elevator. She had to get out of here before she completely broke down.   
  
Eight hours later, her head hurt from crying so much. Danny kept calling and leaving messages. But Sam didn't answer the phone. It was over, she kept repeating to herself. It was officially over. Every time she had resolved that everything was okay, she remembered the look on Jack's face. It was as if he didn't know her anymore, like he had never known her. Maybe it really was a superficial relationship. Maybe he did just use her. Maybe she really was just a stop over, a mid-life crisis. Every thought made her more depressed. This was not how it was supposed to be. In her head, the transfer was supposed to be something else, anything else, just not this. She was not supposed to be sitting in the dark curled up in a ball, feeling stupid and alone. Of all the things Jack Malone had done to her, he had never made her feel cheap and used - until now. And she hated him for it. She could ruin his career, she could ruin his family if she choose to, but she didn't. And what does he do - he acts like nothing every happened.  
  
Damn him' she mumbled and got up. She needed to stop this, she needed to pack. She started to wrap some more dishes in paper when someone knocked on the door. Danny, could he not take a hint.   
  
Danny, I really am not in the mood. She said as she opened the door.  
  
I guess I am not in the Danny mood either. Jack whispered as he noticed her suprise.  
  
Sorry I thought that you were...  
  
Danny. Caught that. Can I come in? Sam stood blocking the door.  
  
Why did I forget to sign some papers? Sam curtly responded.  
  
Why did you forget to tell VanDoren something else? Jack responded as he slipped past her and into her apartment. All of the lights were out. He could tell that she had started packing. He looked around for a moment allowing his eyes to get used to the lack of light. He noticed as he looked around that there was not a wine glass or a bottle. Normally when Sam was upset like this, she would have some red wine to calm herself. But there was none. Maybe something else new.  
  
Sam just stared at him for a while. Watching as he looked around the apartment. She could tell that he was searching for something. Are you looking for something? She said as she walked back to packing her dishes.  
  
Yeah I am. I am looking for some clue as to why you asked VanDoren for a transfer. I am looking for some reason why you would want to transfer.  
  
Sam didn't look up at him as he said. I have been seriously considering my future and I feel that I have learned all that I can here and that I need to expand my horizons.  
  
Cut the crap Sam. I read the request. I need to know why. He walked up behind her so close that it scared her and she dropped a glass. The shards went everywhere.   
  
She cried.   
  
Don't move. Jack said as he went to pick up the pieces. Before he could get to the towels he saw her. She was breaking down. She was trying to step over the glass. Sam, stay still. You have bear feet.   
  
Jack's voice stopped her from moving. She stood there, waiting. Waiting for anything to happen. He cleaned up the glass and she stood there still. She looked awful, she knew it. Her face was probably all blotchy from crying and her hair was a mess. Jack threw the last remnants of the broken glass away and stood there watching her.  
  
You're beautiful. He whispered. He walked over and touched her face lightly. Why didn't you come to me?  
  
Sam looked at him. She could see now that he had tears in his eyes. Because I was afraid. It was simple and true.  
  
Of me.  
  
Of this. Of watching your face. Of chickening out.  
  
  
  
Don't okay. I have to do this. I have to do this. She kept repeating and he kept staring at her. He then ran his fingers through her head. She quieted down and watched him. He always did that with her, he always studied her. She watched his eyes as they etched out her face. When he got to her lips she closed her eyes. His fingers outlined her lips, softly. She remembers this. The first time he studied her like this. It was before anything happened. After a bad case, they had gone for some drinks. He walked her to her apartment and they both stood there, just looking at each other. He was scared to come up and she was scared to invite him. So they just stood there. It was so cold that night, she remembers that. She remembers when he kissed her. That was the first line that they had crossed and it was all, until some months later. But she remembers this motion. She remembered how nervous she was. And just like then, he kisses her. Timidly at first, than as if both had been holding back for so long their kisses became aggressive. He pushed her into the bedroom and onto the bed. This hadn't been the plan. She didn't want this to happen. Her brain kept telling her to stop but her body didn't want to. His lips started moving down her body and they stopped at her stomach. This was the moment that he lingered.   
  
Sam suddenly woke up. Jack stop. She pleaded. Jack raised his head and pulled himself up. He just watched her for a moment, the internal debate. We can't do this. I can't do this not again. She sat up. I thought that I could handle this, us. I thought that it would just be sex, but it stopped being that a long time ago and you know it. I didn't want to get attached. Lord knows I have never become attached before. But I am and I can't be. I can't stay here and watch you. I just can't do this anymore. I can't act like nothing has happened between us and I can't watch you go back to her. I have tried Jack, I have. Shit. She swung her legs around and sat next to him. The tears were building in her eyes again. I love you and I can't have you. Do you know how hard that is?   
  
It was meant as a rhetorical question, but Jack answered it quietly. Yes. Just give me the word Sam. And I will leave her. If that is what it will take to keep you here. I will leave her.  
  
That's not fair and you know it.  
  
I thought that we were good. I thought that it was all okay. You and I. I just tried to shut it all off and it was working for awhile. Until VanDoren told me and suddenly everything came back. I didn't want this to happen to us. I never meant to hurt you. I don't know what I will do if you left. I can resign myself to the fact that I will never have you, but at least I can see you every day, at least we can still be in each other's life.  
  
But we can't. Their watching, she's watching. Jack we can't act as if nothing has happened. I can't do that anymore. It was hard enough the first time. But now ... Sam just looked at her hands, she was afraid to look at him.   
  
Then I'll go, not you. I was prepared to do it a while ago anyway. It's not fair to you. I put you in this situation, I should be the one who handles it.  
  
She hadn't expected that. I need to start over, I need a change. With or without you in the office, I'll still feel the same way. I will always be wondering where you are and what you are doing. I can't handle that anymore. I need to go.  
  
That is all he said for a while. He just sat there looking at the carpet, wondering how they had gotten here. How things had gotten this far. I wish you had come to me.  
  
You would have talked me out of it.  
  
  
  
Sam took Jack's hand and gently rubbed it. It will be for the best.  
  
I'll miss you. Jack added.   
  
Sam took her other hand and traced his face. No regrets. And with that Sam decided that one last time was not going to hurt them, but maybe it will help them leave.  
  
Later that night, Sam woke up with a pounding headache. Jack's arm was around her clinging tightly. She gently undid his arm and stepped out of bed. She looked at him for a moment. He always had felt so right, he always felt like home and here she was leaving him. What would he do right now if she told him? Would he be angry or would be happy? Her heart kept telling her to wake him up and quietly mumble those words in his ear, just to see what he would do. But her brain had made up its mind and it was a bit more stubborn. She had to let him go. It was the only right thing she could do. She had done enough damage to his family already. Leaving was the only choice.  
  
_Jack would forgive you. Danny answered.  
  
Would he? Would you? Sam quietly pointed out.  
  
There would be no question Sam. All he would have to do is meet her and it would be all over. Sam, he would forgive you. You made the best decision that you could at the time. Nobody can fault you for it. Jack may be upset but ultimately he will understand.  
  
I wish I could be as sure of that. I have a feeling that it would be so easy. Sam smiled and then looked at her daughter, who had the biggest grin on her face. She had proceeded on getting baby food all over Danny and she looked as if she was very proud of her accomplishment.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 7:   
  
You know what let's stop talking about my love life or lack there of. So what do you think about the case?  
  
You never want to talk about your love life. You know that right? You either talk about work or Ryan, never about yourself. You know that you need a life too.  
  
Like I have time. Do you want to order pizza or chinese?  
  
Pizza. Sam you need to make time. You are wearing yourself out.  
  
I already have enough guilt. I don't need to add to it. Everyday I drop her off and I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Maybe this is the day that I hand in my letter of resignation. Maybe this is the day that I decide that my daughter should be raised by me and not some day care teacher. But everyday I realize that I can't do it. I can't leave my work, I just can't. So that is the part of my life that I am being selfish about. I can't spare any more time to myself. Sam started getting more and more emotional as the conversation wore on. She hadn't realized how upset she really was about her life. Or how guilty she felt. Maybe it was Jack who was bringing it all back, maybe it was Danny, or maybe it was the simple truth that she may not be able to do it on her own.  
  
You need help. I can help, just say the word and I'll transfer here. You don't have to do this on your own.   
  
Danny your sweet. You really are. But I am fine. Really I am. I just need to get over this little hump. I'll be fine. She smiled. She knew that he would help and that realization calmed her down. He had always been there and she knew that he always would be. I'm glad you came.  
  
Me too. You know she is like an addiction.  
  
I know. It amazed her how much Danny loved her daughter. From the moment she was born, he had been there. She always had know that he was good with kids, but there was something about Ryan and him. The way she responded to his touch and his voice. He always gave any kind of excuse to come and visit. Always made any excuse to be around her. He was addicted, he loved her more than Sam thought any man could love a child, especially one that was not theirs. But he did and it always relieved Sam to know that if anything should happen Danny would always be there, he would always be protecting her daughter.  
  
So what do you think that you are going to do?  
  
About her ears?  
  
  
  
I thought that I would give it another week and see if it doesn't get any better. I just can't stand the thought that she would have to have surgery, to be under any kind of ant esthetic. But I also know that my fear can not be the reason that I make her suffer through it. It is just so hard. I mean one moment she is fine and the next she is screaming her lungs out.  
  
You know whatever you decide will be right. Maybe you just need to give this medicine a little more time.  
  
Yeah, it seems to be working now. Sam watched her daughter as she contentedly gurgled. Danny had been holding her and she was simply starring at him with her big brown eyes.  
  
Maybe I should try to put her to bed.  
  
I can do it.'  
  
No, this is what godfathers are for. He winked and took Ryan up. Sam smiled and cleaned up the kitchen. She then sat down on the couch and waiting for Danny to come back. She hadn't remembered how tired she was until the moment her legs hit the couch. She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she heard was Ryan crying. She whispered. There was a note on the coffee table.   
  
_Didn't want to disturb you. We'll do dinner some other time. You have a good rest and I will see you in the morning.   
  
_She smiled at him. She knew that there was probably some kind of internal debate on whether or not to spend the night or stay in the hotel. But she knew that this visit was for business and although he had some personal time, there was a case to solve and he needed to remain as much in business mode as possible.   
  
Sam went to grab her things and head up to her bed, when she head Ryan crying. Normally, Ryan would sleep in the same bed with Sam. It always made more sense than Sam getting up in the middle of the night and walking to the other room. But since Danny had put her to bed she was sleeping in her crib, which was still in Sam's room but she knew Ryan was not used to sleeping on her own. Which is what Sam thought that she was probably crying about only the cries kept getting louder. Ryan's face was all red and she was hot. Not hot enough to be concerned, just hot enough so Sam knew that the medicine probably was wearing out. Sam tried to calm her as they walked down the steps and into the kitchen. She grabbed an empty bottle and put some milk and her medicine in it. She then walked back to their favorite chair and sat down. Ryan wouldn't drink the milk, she just cried and pushed the bottle away. Experience told her that the only thing that really ever calmed her down was nursing. Although she was attempting to wean Ryan off, since it got very complicated with work, she knew that it was good for her. And it always calmed her down.   
  
Sam smiled as Ryan started sucking. Nursing was the one thing that was the ultimate reminder that Ryan was hers and not some baby that she was baby-sitting. After a while, Ryan went to sleep along with Sam. Sam barely heard the door knock. She proceeded to pick Ryan up and bring her back to bed. Danny probably forgot something. Then the doorbell rang. It was loud and Sam was not about to let Ryan wake up again, so she quickly ran down to answer the door.  
  
Danny, I told you not to ring the bell. She whispered as she opened the door. Then she noticed that it wasn't Danny, Jack was standing there.   
  
Jack looked out of place. He didn't belong standing in her doorway. Can I come in? He asked.  
  
Sam thought for a moment. Could she actually tell him no? She could, but there was something about the way he was looking at her that made her realize that he was not going to take no for an answer. And with that she let him in.  
  
Couldn't sleep? He noted her attire as he entered her house. It was different somehow from her apartment in New York. The clutter was gone. It felt much more like a home.  
  
Not really. Why are you here?  
  
I was thinking about the case and I wanted to talk to you about it. It was familiar line that he had always given when he came over to her place.  
  
Jack? It's 2:30 in the morning you think we could do this tomorrow.  
  
Jack answered. He sat down on the couch. The first thing he noticed was the baby blanket and then the picture on the mantle. It was the same picture he had seen before on her desk. I was just thinking about motherhood.  
  
What about it? Sam looked a little nervous. She was sure that at any moment Ryan would start crying and she would have to tell him.  
  
There is this connection that mother's have with their children, that fathers are never privy too. That intimacy of knowing this child and having brought her into the world. A father doesn't ever have that intimacy, no matter how much he may try.  
  
Jack what are you talking about?   
  
This case, why?  
  
What does motherhood have to do with it?  
  
This mother she is so upset and scared about losing her husband that she threatens him with his child. She could simply just take her away and he could do nothing about it because ultimately she is the mother and she has the connection with their child. Women are the ones who get the morning sickness and the cravings, they are the ones who have the opportunity to literally bring a new life into the world and all the father can do is sit and watch in wonder. It is like this out of body experience that you have. You know that you had something to do with that being growing in her stomach but it is never really you gets to have the experience. You could have a kid out there and never know, do you know how weak that makes men?  
  
Sam just looked at him. Where was he going?  
  
So I am sitting in the office and I wanted to see your notes one more time. Your desk has all of the usual things, your sister's picture, hair bands, little post-it notes everywhere. Yet there is one thing that is out of place, something that I have never seen on your desk before. It is a picture of a baby, a couple of weeks old. I'm assuming that it is your niece or cousin or something, so I don't think much of it. But I keep noticing it. Then one of the night staff comes in and I ask them who that is and do you know what they tell me?  
  
  
Shit she thought. She hadn't thought about the picture.   
  
According to this person, she is about three months old and her name is Ryan. And she is the apple of her mother's eye. He stared at her, this was definitely an angry stare. So by default, I think that maybe Keller is her dad. But then it occurs to me, you wouldn't have run so quickly if it had been Keller's. But then I am thinking that I can't be the father because you would have never done that to me, right?  
  
  
  
You wouldn't have looked me in the face and lied. You wouldn't have walked out that night knowing full well that you were having my child. You couldn't have done that. Not after everything. The logistics of it all just don't make since you have only been gone for 7 months. Meaning you would have been five months along and I think that I would have noticed you being 5 months pregnant when we had sex.  
  
He had used that word to hurt her. He knew that they never simply had sex, it was always something more. To her sex was dirty and raw, she never just had sex with Jack Malone, she had once told him that he was too good for just sex. Sam didn't know what to say, what are you supposed to say at moment like this. She could always deny it. Say that the baby was Keller's or even Danny's, that would definitely help. But then she would be lying again to him and although she had done it that night, she just couldn't anymore. She couldn't go on pretending that he wasn't in the picture, that it wasn't his problem. Because he was standing in front of her and he wasn't going to go away. And his look told her that he was now definitely aware and that this was definitely his problem. So she decided to give up and let him go at it. To allow him to know the truth. She was born two months premature. When I left I was only three months along.  
  
That day you called me and hung up. You were calling to let me know that she was born, right?  
  
Sam couldn't look him in the eye, everything was happening too soon. this wasn't how he was supposed to find out.   
  
I couldn't figure out why you were in the hospital. I couldn't understand why on that day you decided to call. But it all makes sense Sam, the call, the transfer. What doesn't make sense is why you didn't tell me? What you think that I didn't want to know?  
  
Sam quietly pleaded.  
  
Or maybe you thought that I didn't need to know, that it wasn't my problem. That I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care that I had a daughter out there who was being raised without me, whom I would never get to meet and would never know me. How could you think that Sam after everything we shared, how could you think that this is what I wanted. That I didn't have the right to be involved and to decide for myself.  
  
Everything we shared Jack. I was your mistress. and you went back to your wife. Everything we shared, my ass. I knew you and I knew how miserable you would have been. I was not going to be the official reason that you left Marie. You would have hated me, you would have hated her. You already had a family, I knew that. I went into our affair knowing full well that you probably would go back with Marie, that you would go back to your family. You were already a father and you had these two girls who needed you so much. I just wasn't going to take you away from that. I wasn't going to allow you the satisfaction of blaming your families demise on the fact that you knocked me up. She had been sitting in the chair the entire time with her eyes to the floor. She couldn't stand to look at him. He was now pacing the room.  
  
So this was better. You just figured that Jack didn't need to know. That I just wouldn't care.  
  
I knew you would and that was the problem. This was my mistake Jack. I was the one who forget about protection, who forgot that doctor had taken me off my birth control while I was in the hospital. It was my fault.  
  
So you took care of it?  
  
  
  
Jack stared at her for awhile. Did you try to have an abortion?  
  
His words stung because she knew that she would have to tell him the truth and she didn't know how he would react.   
  
And what your guilty conscious came over you?  
  
I guess you could say that. I had an appointment, I went to the doctor but I just couldn't go through with it.  
  
All without me.  
  
  
  
No, you were going to kill my child, take care of your problem while leaving me blissfully unaware. Fuck you Sam. You are so god damn selfish, you know that. You were only thinking of yourself. You were only thinking of the easiest way for you. Did I ever cross your mind?  
  
You think that my decision was easy. Do you think that I didn't know how quickly you would come to my rescue if you found out? It wasn't just about me, Jack I knew that. It was about your life, your job, your family. We could say that there was nothing going on to VanDoren, but me being pregnant was definitely a clue that was something still was going between us. Jack I am sorry. There is nothing more that I can say. I made a decision and it wasn't easy. Jack never think that it was easy for me. Nothing about this was easy, it never was with us.  
  
They both stood there for a long time, neither knowing what to say. What can you say? What is there to say? Sam had never truly imagined what Jack would do or how he would react. She had never allowed herself.  



	8. Chapter 8

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 8:   
  
But now here she was and here he was. And all they could do was just stand there in silence. Both not looking at each other, both not knowing what comes next. He had said all they could say at the moment. She could tell from his face that his emotions were conflicted. He wasn't prepared for this, he wasn't prepared for their relationship it was just something that happened one night and than the next.  
  
_ Sam asked nonchalantly as Jack and her got into the elevator. It's never easy when they don't find them alive and this one had been like that. Emotions were high and fragile, both had been up all night working on saving this kid and all of their work didn't pay off. The child was still dead and the killer had gotten away. It was now somebody else's case, their job was finished. Sam hated that, hated that they had to hand the case over. But they were the missing person's unit and when a body is found, that person is no longer missing and no longer their responsibility.   
  
Jack and Sam like usual were the last ones to leave. Sam knew that Jack was probably staying at a hotel tonight, he usually did that when he worked late -- especially after hard cases.   
  
Jack looked at her from a moment before he answered her question. They had often gone out for drinks before, so there was nothing unusual about her request. The unusualness was definitely on Jack's side. He knew that drinking with Sam was always a bit risky, he knew that she was a little bit too dangerous for him. He knew that lately he had been watching her, memorizing her movements, noticing how her eyes crinkled slightly when she smiled and that she hated it when her hair was in her face. The unusualness was on Jack's side because he was beginning to realize how much he enjoyed drinking with Sam, enjoyed hearing her talk, enjoyed being next to her. Tonight had been hard and he had known that she probably would want to go out for a drink. He had spent a good deal of the day trying to figure out a reason not to. But at this moment there was no excuse that came from his lips, instead he simply asked,   
  
How about the bar by my place on 1st and 21st. I am not really in the mood for a crowd.  
  
Sounds good. He hailed a cab and for the next moments the two sat very awkwardly apart from each other. Sam was looking at the window and Jack was staring at his lap, playing with his ring. Marie and he had had another fight the night before. He had come home too late again and she was not happy. She always was not happy. But this time the fight was a bit more serious and it was a bit more emotional. Jack slept on the couch. Tonight he had called and said that he was staying in the city. He needed to be alone he told her. He needed to think about some things, the case had been a bit too raw and he needed some time to come down - alone. And here he sat in the car with Sam, the person whom he normally came down with. For some reason, she had always been the person that could take the emotion away, to remind him that everything was all right. And he needed that tonight. They got to their stop and Sam paid the driver. Jack shook hi s head slightly, she never let him pay for cabs. She let him pay for drinks but not cabs. He ushered her into the bar, his hand lingered a bit too long on her back. Sam didn't seem to mind, perhaps she was getting used to it, he told himself. They ordered two drinks and took a secluded booth. They both didn't say anything for the longest time.  
  
Do you think they'll be okay? She asked simply.  
  
He answered honestly. He had seen too many cases like these to sugar coat their chances with her.   
  
Do you think they'll catch him?  
  
  
  
Jack looked up at her, she had a slight smile on her face. You know you could try to be positive once in awhile, it might do you some good.  
  
That's why I have you. He smiled.  
  
Sam squinted her eyes and laughed at him. It had been a strange comment.  
  
Your the one who is supposed to be positive, remember.  
  
Oh yeah. It was a past conversation they had about her negativity. He had told her that she was too young to have such a jaded image of life.   
  
No worries right?   
  
No worries. Do you want another drink?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sam went up to get them another round and as she did a new party came in of men. They were loud and immediately spotted Sam. They then crowded around her as she tried to walk away. Sam rolled her eyes at Jack as she walked towards them. Scoot over. She told him. Jack looked at her questionably but did as he were told. Do I look like an easy target to you?  
  
You do to that guy coming over?  
  
Sam squinted her nose again, desperately trying to figure out how not to get hit on by some guy in front of her boss. She looked at Jack desperately for some help. Who gave a quick look at Sam and then at the guy. He then scooted closer and put her hand up to her face. They had kissed one time, both had been a bit too drunk and both claimed it was an accident. But this kiss was a necessity. It was polite at first and mainly for show. But quickly turned into more. It quickly became deeper. Jack could swear that he heard her moan slightly. They had crossed the line and neither one was drunk. All Jack could think about was how much he wanted her at that moment. How much he wanted to feel her skin. He reached around and pulled tighter. His hand went underneath her shirt and felt her skin. It was soft. Sam pulled away slightly and looked up at him. Waiting for his response, waiting for the instant regret that she knew he would have, instead he simply looked at her and brushed the hair out of her face. Her leg was still half over his and his hand was still under her shirt. He was making slow circles with his fingers. For that moment there was nothing else but the two of them. There were no roady guys at the bar, he was not her boss, and he was not married. For that moment, they were simply two people who wanted each other. Sam didn't know if she had the strength to back away. There was a look in his eyes that she hadn't seen before, a look that told her that he would let her in and suddenly all she wanted to be a part of him, to be let into his world. To know who he was in every way imaginable. So Sam made the decision, she got up from the table and gripped his hand. He followed her out the door obediently.   
  
The whole walk to her building and up the stairs they had said nothing. His hand was on her back. Both were afraid that if they lost contact with each other than this would never happen. And no matter how wrong it was, they both wanted this to happen. Sam stopped at her door before unlocking it, taking one more moment to turn around. While in public she knew she could stop this, once they were in her apartment there was no turning back. She turned to look at Jack before turning the knob. He was starring at her. She turned the knob behind her and walked in backwards. Her eyes never left Jack's. He slammed the door behind her.   
  
That first night was intense. It was as if they were both afraid to let go of each other. There was no guilt or shame afterwards, that amazed Sam. Instead there was a simple kiss on the forehead and a smile from him when he left. At first it was only sex and it was always intense but then it cooled down between them. He stopped coming over every night. Sam always thought that he was feeling guilty and was trying to make it work with Marie. Perhaps that was why being told of their separation three months later was so hard for her to take, because it wasn't working with Marie. Sam suddenly understood by the look in his eyes that night the reason it wasn't working with Marie, her. Sam had always acted as if it was some casual thing between them, that the intensity came from some form of loneliness. She had always ignored her own feelings as irrelevant. You are not supposed to fall in love with a man who is married, no matter if you were his mistress, you are not supposed to fall in love with your boss either. It was purely physical, she was positive that he had felt that way. He was bored in his marriage and she was something different. But that night, she realized that he wasn't bored. He came by later to talk. That was the first time that they had actually had a fight. He walked out on her and slammed the door. An hour later he came back and apologized. They talked all night and slept together for the first time with their clothes on. Things stayed serious with each other for a while. He left clothes at her place and she always kept half and half in the refrigerator for his coffee in the morning.   
  
But it's hard to play house with a married man. Eventually she knew he would go back to Marie. She didn't expect, though, how lonely it would make her feel. _  
  
So here they sat in silence, both not knowing what's next. Luckily Ryan made the decision easier. A faint cry was heard from the baby monitor and it grew louder. Jack stopped in front of it and just stared. Sam took the opportunity to get up from the chair and go to her daughter. JAck didn't move. He heard her talking to the baby, calmly asking what was wrong, then followed her voice into the bedroom. He stood in the doorway for awhile watching her. Sam could feel him starring at her, but she chose to ignore him. Ryan calmed down a little but her face was still red. Sam kissed her forehead and secretly chided herself with not giving her the medicine earlier. But this wasn't the time. Ryan knew exactly what she wanted, she started to suck on Sam's clothed breast. She smiled. The whole weaning thing was a lot harder than the books made it out to be. She tried hard not to pay attention to Jack. Maybe he would just go away, but she knew better. He simply stood there watching as she sat on a chair and took her shirt off. She kept Ryan. The one thing Ryan had always been was impatient about food. There was no understanding that maybe her mother would be a little modest. She tucked her legs under her and undid her bra. The second Ryan started sucking, Sam closed her eyes for a moment and then she looked at Jack. That look must have given him courage to walk into the room, because he came right beside the chair and kneeled down to get a better look at his daughter.  
  
This is Ryan. Sam said quietly. Jack just stared at her, he had tears in his eyes. He reached out his hand to touch her face and Ryan grabbed one of his fingers as she sucked. She held onto it, as she stared at him.  
  
Hello Ryan. Jack then looked up at Sam who had been staring at him. His face was no longer angry. Instead there was relief, for both of them. She knew that he wasn't going to forgive her that easily but as for right now, there would be no fighting. They sat there for a while as Ryan finished. She never let go of Jack's finger instead she clinched it tighter as she looked up at him. Can I hold her? He asked and Sam simply nodded. Jack proceeded to take his daughter into his arms. Sam put her bra back on and went into her bathroom to change. It was now 3:00 in the morning and both Jack and Sam had to be at work at 7. She knew he wasn't going to leave.  
  
She walked over to him. Here she needs to get some sleep, why don't you two lay on the bed. He did as he was told, all the time watching and holding his child. It was amazing to watch the two of them. Ryan was acting as it was the most normal thing in the world, this stranger holding her. And Jack, he was cradling her very gently but also very protectively. Sam was aware watching him that he was not simply going to vanish from her life. That at this moment he was forever going to be there. Sam stared at him for a moment trying to figure out if that was a scary thought - forever being attached to this man. Sam took his shoes off and then helped him with his pants. She didn't know if he was going to go back to the hotel room before work, so it was best not to completely crinkle his clothes. Take your shirt off. It was a command that he obeyed. She propped another pillow under him. And kissed Ryan's forehead. She then grabbed a pillow and started to walk out of the room.  
  
He whispered. Stay here. And for the first time in their messed up relationship, she actually did as she was told. She laid down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder and put her hand on her daughter's back. They all feel asleep. It was the deepest sleep Sam had allowed herself to have in long time.   
  


tbc


	9. Chapter 9

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 9:   
  
Sam woke up quietly the next morning. She reached over and turned off her alarm. This was a picture which she had never allowed her self to fathom. Jack was sleeping next to her and Ryan was stretched out on his stomach contentedly sleeping. It was amazing to her how well Ryan had slept and how comfortable she was with Jack. It was as if somehow she knew who he was. Sam decided to take advantage of the silence and take a shower, when she got out Jack was awake.  
  
Sleep well. Sam asked as she walked over to her drawers.   
  
Yeah, she's a hard sleeper.  
  
Apparently she is with you. Sam smiled as she pulled out some clothes.  
  
You said she was premature?  
  
Yeah, two months.  
  
  
  
I had, um, preeclampsia. My doctor thought that it was due to my high stress job. It actually got pretty bad. Danny came. They gave me this medicine, that left me pretty out of it. So Danny knows more than me. All I know is that they induced labor, for some reason they figured that a natural birth would be safer, I think that it had something to do with my blood pressure. Anyway, I gave birth to her around 5 am and she weighed 4lbs 1.5oz. They told me that she was actually quite big for a preemie. But everything was fine with her. Her lungs were developed and her heart was fine. I was able to take her home from the hospital a two weeks later. So she was good.  
  
And you.  
  
Sam had been sitting by him and her towel was falling off. She tried to catch it, but Jack quickly grabbed her hand. Jack, it's going to fall off.  
  
Let it fall. I want to see how she changed you.  
  
  
  
I never got to see you pregnant, so let me see how having her changed you. The comment was very honest. Sam suddenly understood that he was still very mad at her. So she let the towel drop. And stared at her. His hand smoothly touched her breasts, which had of course grown and then down to her stomach. She still had a little bit left of baby fat. He then went back up to her face and held it. Did you glow?  
  
I don't think so.  
  
Yeah, you did. He smiled, there was something sweet about this comment. You were probably gorgeous.  
  
No I was fat. She smiled back at him.  
  
No you didn't get to that stage, she was two months premature, remember. You were probably at that stage which drives men crazy and knowing you, you probably didn't notice.  
  
Jack, we should probably start getting ready for work.  
  
He looked down at the sleeping baby and then back at Sam was still naked in front of him. Suddenly an instinct went through hi,, this was his family. She was his daughter and her mother was sitting in front of him. The anger was still there, but he was still very much in love with her and now it was even more clear. Do you think we should get her up?  
  
Yeah, here let me get dressed quickly and then I'll take her down for some food.  
  
I thought that you were still breast-feeding?  
  
I'm trying to wean her off of it. It gets a little complicated at work.  
  
That comment made Jack realize that she had been doing this all alone and that it was actually very hard on her. He remembers when Hannah was first born the work that Marie and he put into her. They were always so worn out. But here Sam was doing it alone, quite frankly because she didn't want to inconvenience him.  
  
When they arrived at work Jack walked with Sam as she took Ryan to the daycare, he actually introduced himself as her dad to the teacher. He could tell that the teacher was surprised.   
  
In the elevator, Jack asked, So I can punch Danny right?  
  
Sam laughed, He might just punch you first.  
  
Ugh. He probably punches harder.  
  
The elevator stopped at the floor. Danny already was seated at the table concentrating on some new info that had come through in the night. It looked as though he was the first one in. He looked up at the elevator and was surprised to see Jack and Sam walk out together.  
  
Was the only comment he had as he tried to make out what this all meant.  
  
So anything new. Sam asked as she headed to her desk and went to check her messages.  
  
So, Danny. Jack started. I met Ryan last night.   
  
Danny's eyes got wider. Danny didn't know if he felt guilty or mad at the guy.  
  
Don't worry, it's okay. We yelled and fought and will probably yell and fight some more, but its good. It should have happened earlier. This was the first time that Sam actually admitted to being wrong.  
  
Danny didn't know what to say, What did you think?  
  
I think she's beautiful.  
  
She's addicting.  
  
So that's why you had that big grin on your face when you came back from your last vacation. Things are starting to get a bit cleared in my head. JAck smiled. So the case, any new leads.  
  
Actually, I was thinking about something you said, about something being off with the mother. So I checked back through the babysitter's interview. Apparently the mom actually wanted the baby-sitter to go by herself. According to the baby-sitter, this was actually unusual because the mom was fairly protective.  
  
  
  
Guys, the hospital just released the girls medical records and according to them she has been in two times in the past month. Her shoulder had been pulled out of her socket, she had fallen off her bike and broken her wrist. The doctor noted that it was the father who brought her in. Sam added. What if it is the mother? She thinks that he is having an affair and starts to hurt the girl as a way of blackmailing the dad.  
  
He would have told us. Jack replied.  
  
MAybe he still will, but not with the mom around.  
  
Well let's go interview the dad.  
  
I'll call him in.  
  
An hour later, Mr. Barns came in by himself. Sam specifically told him that his wife should remain at home in case somebody called.  
  
Mr. Barns we would like to ask you a few questions about your wife. Sam started.  
  
My wife? He sounded confused. Sam could tell that he had been up all night.  
  
The baby-sitter said that it was unusual for your wife to allow your daughter to go to the park without her. Was is?  
  
I don't know. I know that she had some errands to run.  
  
Do you know what specifically she did?  
  
Didn't she already go through this with you all?  
  
We just want to hear it from you. It's always good to have all of the different perspectives.  
  
She said that she went to the bank to get some money and the laundry to pick up some dry-cleaning. I think that she also went to the grocery.  
  
Mr. Barns, your wife she doesn't work, correct?  
  
  
  
How has your marriage been?   
  
  
  
Mr. Barns, we know about your affair? Jack decided to step in.  
  
My what? The man sounded surprised and completely off guard.  
  
Angela Davis.  
  
What? Didn't somebody at work say that?  
  
Your wife.  
  
Suddenly there was anger in his voice. She said what?  
  
Mr. Davis, we have talked to Angela Davis and according to her nothing was going on between the two of you, but your wife was convinced that there was. Sam knew exactly that Jack was trying to get him worked up, trying to see where his emotions would take him. So you can see our dilemma. Truthfully, Mr. Davis we don't care whether you were having an affair and anything you tell us is confidential. We just need to know so that we can tie up any loose ends. A jealous ex-mistress for example ...  
  
There is no mistress. I have never had an affair no matter what my wife thinks. He was angry and that was exactly where Jack wanted him to be.  
  
Why would your wife think that?  
  
I don't know.  
  
Mr. Barns we need to know everything no matter how painful it may be. Why would your wife assume you were having an affair?  
  
Is this what you do? Dig up dirt. My wife is a jealous woman and is very protective over our family. She never believed that we would last, always thought that it was too good to be true. If she thought I was having an affair, it was only in her mind.  
  
So your marriage was not good?  
  
Is any marriage good? Things had been not good for a while. But I promised her through good times and bad that I would be with her and I do not take that lightly. So I was not going to leave her and no I was not having an affair.  
  
Mr. Barns, Samantha started, We need you to understand that we are not trying to wreck your family. We are just trying to follow our leads and unfortunately the only thing that we have is that your wife usually did not allow your daughter to go to the park without her.  
  
Did your wife ever hurt your daughter? Jack came back. The two were definitely playing good cop/bad cop.  
  
  
  
Her medical records indicate that she had been to the hospital twice in the last month.  
  
They were accidents.  
  
Why did you take her?  
  
Because my daughter was hurt and she wanted me to take her.  
  
Were you there when the accidents occurred?  
  
No, no. Actually I wasn't. Both happened right before I got home from work. What does this have to do with anything?  
  
As I said before Mr. Barns, we are just checking out leads. Samantha knew that this interview wasn't going anywhere. Thank you for coming in.  
  
As they left the conference room, Sam teased, That went well.  
  
Jack replied.  
  
Why do I have a bad feeling about this one?  
  
That it has absolutely no correlation with the other kidnappings.  
  
Yeah and now my instincts are all over the mother. Mr. Barns was definitely very protective about her.  
  
Why don't you go and have another interview with the baby-sitter, maybe she knows more. Jack directed.  
  
Okay and you.  
  
I think I am going to take a quick break and head downstairs, is that okay? Jack smiled quickly and thought to himself how funny this was. One moment he is the lead in the case giving her orders and the next he is asking her permission to see his daughter.   
  
Jack, you don't have to ask. She smiled and squeezed his arm before she went to her desk. He stood there for a moment before turning to the elevator. 


	10. Chapter 10

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 10:   
  
Danny watched Sam returned to her desk and Jack head to the elevator. When the doors were closed he asked Sam,   
  
So ... Sam responded.  
  
How did he find out? To that Sam simply held up the picture. Oh. So was it bad?  
  
A little. But I guess that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I think though that he's still mad. He calmed down around Ryan though.  
  
I told you that he would.  
  
I don't know Danny, I really don't. I guess I just have to wait and let him play things out.  
  
Your going to let him have control, that's noble. Danny replied sarcastically.  
  
  
  
No really you should give him some time to think. This is all probably a bit much.  
  
And not exactly what he imagined when he came to Minneapolis.  
  
No quick roll in the hay for him. Danny joked as he got up.  
  
Where are you going?   
  
To have a quick talk with the new dad.  
  
Sam warned.  
  
Don't worry, I'll be good.  
  
When Danny walked down to the nursery he saw Jack sitting in the rocking chair feeding Ryan.  
  
I did mention her addictive qualities. Danny says to get the man's attention. Jack looked up and smiled.  
  
You know you could have told me. Jack replied.  
  
Are you kidding? I wanted to pummel you after I found out But Sam didn't want you to know, so I calmed down for her.  
  
How was she?  
  
Scared, mostly. I think she felt really guilty about Ryan, guilty about the affair. Sam had always assumed that she could handle anything that happened, that she was strong enough and suddenly I think she felt very weak. No longer was she in control. And it was because of you. In her eyes she was out of control and you know how much she hates that. Do you know how horrible it is to see her cry? I sat with her one night and she just cried all night. Jack, I could barely contain myself at work all I wanted to do was take you out back. But she made me control myself, she took it all on herself. Even when she was sick, it was always her responsibility.   
  
  
  
She told you that Ryan was premature, right?  
  
Yeah, she said something about preeclampsia, but she acted like it was no big deal.  
  
That's Sam, no big deal. She's in the hospital for two weeks and acts like it was not a problem. Jack, she was really sick.   
  
How sick?  
  
I get a call from her on Tuesday morning at work, her head and back were hurting. She tells me she just feels off. So I convince her to go to the doctor. Next thing I know, she calls me from the hospital saying that the doctor checked her in to run some tests. For some reason I don't buy her nonchalance tone. So I decide to fly out here. It turns out that the doctors have started to induce labor but nothing is happening. Her blood pressure is sky high. She keeps telling me she is fine, but her vision's a bit blurry and her head still hurts. The doctors come in and bring her into ICU. I am the only visitor allowed in. The doctors keep telling me that it isn't good. Her pressure is too high. The first night in ICU, she has a seizure. The doctors are debating with me whether to keep going with the natural labor or to do a cesarean. They are concerned about a cesarean because her blood is too thin. Jack they kept giving me all these things that were wrong with her. Nurses are coming in every ten minutes. And Sam, she's really out of it. She keeps telling me that everything is fine. Completely unaware about what is going on. There was a point where I was like screw this, I am calling you. But when I say something to her about it, that maybe I should call, maybe you should be there - she gets very mad at me and tells me that this is not any of your business. It was the first time during this whole labor that I am aware she isn't as out of it as I thought. She knew exactly what was happening. I had to respect her decision, it was the one thing that she seemed very clear about -- you were not to know. Her water finally breaks and she starts to have contractions. Everything happened really fast after that. Next thing I know she is in full labor and they are ushering me out of the room. For 3 hours I sit in the hallway, I keep seeing doctors running in and out. Finally one comes out and tells me that Ryan is born and that she is healthy -- small, but strong. They are bringing her to the nursery. Then they tell me that they are still working on Sam. Apparently during the labor she had two more seizures and her blood pressure was still incredibly high. They are having a hard time stopping the bleeding also. Jack, Danny takes a moment, should he really be telling him all of this stuff. Is it actually going to help? Danny shakes his head and decides that this is something Jack needs to know and should have known a long time ago. Jack, she slipped into a coma after Ryan was born, during her third seizure. They were concerned that maybe not enough blood was getting to her brain. She was on life support for three days. The doctor's didn't know if she was ever going to wake up. And here I sit in the hospital, looking at this little girl through an incubator and all I can think is that I shouldn't be here. You should have. So, I called Viv and talked to her a bit.  
  
Wait, Viv knew?   
  
Yeah, she figured it out a while back. I think Sam and her had some kind of discussion. Viv helped me decide to wait it out. Sam was still here and Ryan was fine. So I sat and waited. I rubbed her back in the incubator and promised her that I would always take care of her, no matter what. Then I would go back up to Sam's room and hold her hand. One day Sam opened her eyes and woke up. She was fine, no residual damage. She spent a couple more days in the hospital, her pressure went back to normal. And she acted as if the whole thing was nothing.  
  
Jack just sat there starring at his daughter, as Danny told him the story. And she didn't want me to know?  
  
She didn't want to bother you. Danny corrected him.  
  
I should have been there, I should have been pacing outside the door.  
  
  
  
No wonder you were so made at me. Jack remembered when Danny had come back from that. He had told them that his aunt was in the hospital and that he ahd to take care of her. But Jack knew it wasn't true, there was something about Danny's demeanor that told him. For the next week, Danny barely looked at Jack and snapped at everything that he said. He was quiet. Jack knew that something bigger must have happened and now he knew what. Sam had almost died giving birth to his daughter and he wasn't there - Danny was.  
  
I got over it. It wasn't your fault. It was Sam who was being stubborn. Danny smiled at the baby who sat there in her father's arms completely unaware of the trauma that her life had caused. You should have seen the first time they put her in Samantha's arms. She lit up. It was like the most natural thing in the world, this little baby belonged to her.  
  
I can imagine.  
  
So what are you going to do now?  
  
I don't really know. Stay a while I guess, figure out what I need to do.  
  
You love her.  
  
Jack looked at Danny, a little stunned. He had barely admitted it to himself really. The reason he was so hurt wasn't because he was mad at her, but because he knew that he loved her and that she didn't know that. To know that she went through all of this by herself so that she wouldn't bother him. He was mad at himself because all of the signs were there, he was just too scared to look at them. He should have known that she was pregnant, he should have been able to tell. But he didn't look because he didn't want to. They had always had such a temporal relationship, he was scared to even think about anything more permanent. But now it was permanent, now there was a child involved. She had made the decision to keep him out and now here he was desperately wanting to be back in. He could always admit to Sam that he loved her that actually was easy, because no matter how many times he told her she never actually believed him. She always thought that he was just saying it because he should, because it was right. Telling Danny though was much more serious, telling someone else will make it real. Honestly, I always have.  
  
Jack on Ryan's birth certificate, your listed as the father.  
  
  
  
Yeah, it was Sam's way of protecting her. If anything should happen she would be able to find you, no worries. She wanted you in her life, she was just too scared to ask.  
  
I guess the question is now what? Ryan was finished with her bottle and sweetly looking up at the two.  
  
Sam was still running a background check on the mother. Apparently, she didn't go to the places that she told everyone she did because nobody at the grocery store or the laundry saw her. A phone started ringing, Sam recognized the tone as Jack's phone. Apparently, he had left his phone on her desk. Sam picked it up to see who it was and the caller id identified it as Katie's school.   
  
Jack Malone's phone. Sam decided to answer it, in case it was an emergency.  
  
The voice at the other end asked.  
  
  
  
Yeah, who is this?  
  
It's Samantha Spade, I work with your Daddy. Sam started to get up and walk towards the stairs.  
  
Is my Daddy there?  
  
Yeah, he just downstairs. I am going to go and get him. Are you okay?  
  
My throat hurts. Her voice was so tiny.  
  
Did you call your mom?  
  
She's not there.  
  
How about Laurie?  
  
She wasn't there either.  
  
Are you at the nurses office?  
  
Yes. Can I talk to my daddy?  
  
I'm getting him sweetie. The phone may crackle a bit because I going down the stairs. Is your throat scratchy?  
  
  
  
Does it hurt to swallow?  
  
Uh huh.  
  
Making you feel miserable, right?  
  
  
  
You know there is an upside to a sore throat?  
  
What's that?  
  
You get to drink tons of soda and eat things like raspberry sherbet.  
  
I've never tried sherbet.  
  
You haven't? Sam was trying to take Katie's mind off the fact that her throat hurt and that nobody at the moment could take her home.  
  
  
  
Well I need to talk to your dad about that. It is so good.  
  
What is it?  
  
It's like fruit ice cream.  
  
I like strawberry ice cream.  
  
Really. Than you will like sherbet. It is like ice cream but tastes much more fruity. Trust me it is really good. And it will make your throat feel good. Sam finally reached the nursery. She could see that Jack was walking around with Ryan, trying to get her to go to sleep. She tapped on the glass and he looked up. She motioned that he had a phone call. As he walked over, she told Katie, Sweetie, your dad's here. I am going to pass the phone over to him, okay. You feel better.  
  
The tiny voice whispered.   
  
Her throat hurts and the nurse can't get a hold of Marie or Laurie. She wants to talk to you. Sam whispered as she handed the phone over to Jack, who was still holding Ryan in one hand rocking her. Sam could tell by the look on her face that she was so close to sleeping. Apparently Jack knew that too and didn't want to hand her over and wake her up.  
  
Hey baby, what's wrong? Jack started, his voice always changed when he talked to his daughter, it was a lot softer. Did you leave a message with Mommy? I can't honey, I'm away. I know. But mommy will make it feel better. As soon as I get home. Sweetie, let me try your mommy again. I will call you right back. I know. I promise. Jack hung up the phone and hit another number. Marie Malone, please. Hey your there. Did you get Katie's message? Yeah, she called. Okay. Sore throat. Oh good. Sam was only hearing parts of the conversation and was actually feeling a bit awkward listening, No. Yeah, it's going good. I have a bad feeling it doesn't have anything to do with the other cases. Yes. No I told you that she was here. She's fine. I don't know the case may take a while. LIsten, let's not get into this, I'm at work. I need to call Katie back. I'll tell her you'll be there in what thirty minutes. Okay. Yeah. I'll call tonight. Fine. Fine. Bye. The conversation was an odd version of annoyance, guilt and normalcy. Jack dialed another number, The nurses office please. Hi, this is Jack Malone. Yes, her mother is coming in thirty minutes. Already has an appointment. Yes. Thank you. Hey sweetie, Mommy is coming. She will be there is a little while. She's going to take you to the doctor. Don't cry baby, the doctor will make it feel better. Yes, I promise. I will call you tonight. What? You want to talk to Sam. Samantha, sorry. Yeah here she is. Jack handed her the phone a bit curious on why his 6 year old wanted to talk to her.  
  
Hey, see all taken care of.  
  
Thank you. The tiny voice whispered.  
  
Your welcome.  
  
I asked the nurse about sherbet and she brought me some from the cafeteria. Orange.  
  
And do you like it?  
  
  
  
Ask your mommy to pick you up some raspberry. It's the best kind.  
  
  
  
You should probably go and finish your sherbet. Feel better. Bye. Sam hung up the phone and handed it back to Jack.  
  
Thanks, I didn't want it to ring when I was in here.  
  
Is she asleep? Sam asked.  
  
I think so. She finished her entire bottle, burped and then started to fall asleep. I was afraid to put her down. Um, the nurse put some medicine in her bottle?  
  
Yeah, some antibiotic. She's been having some ear infections lately. I am hoping that the medicine will help her. Sam followed Jack back into the nursery and watched him set her down in the crib. So Marie is coming to pick Katie up?  
  
Yeah and take her to the doctor. Strep has been going through the school.  
  
She was asking about me, right?  
  
Jack punched the elevator up button and they both stood there waiting.  
  
Not too happy about it.  
  
She doesn't really have a choice. He shrugged. Sam you know that Marie and I didn't break up because of you. It was already happening before we got started. I think that it is just easier for Marie to believe that it is about you, instead of admitting the truth.  
  
But still I didn't help.   
  
Sam, it's not your fault. So you have to got to stop thinking like that. I was the one who was married, not you. I knew exactly what I was doing when I started this thing. If anyone is to blame, it's me. He put his armed around her and kissed her forehead. So any news on mommy dearest? 


	11. Chapter 11

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 11:   
  
Nothing much, except that she wasn't at any of the places that she said she was.  
  
How did we miss that during the first background?  
  
Well it actually took some pushing, apparently they all just assumed that she had been there because she always does her errands on Tuesdays, every Tuesday and they just assumed that she was there this Tuesday. But nobody actually saw her.  
  
Which makes her story very different.  
  
Now the only question is where she really was?  
  
My guess is somewhere that she wasn't supposed to be.  
  
Jack and Sam went to interview the wife.  
  
Ms. Barns, where were you on Tuesday?  
  
I told you all, I was running errands. She said obviously annoyed that they were having this conversation again.  
  
Funny nobody remembers seeing you there? Sam starts.  
  
  
  
Let's stop playing games. We know that you weren't running errands. We know that you have been abusing your daughter. We know that you have been using your daughter to threaten your husband. Now what we need to know is where you were on Tuesday? Why you didn't go to the park with your daughter? Jack decided to pound her because they didn't have anymore time for games.  
  
I don't know what you are talking about? Mrs. Barns was obviously not going to cooperate with them.   
  
Sam's phone rang. She got up to get the phone and Jack continued on with the questioning. She could tell from his body language that he was going in for the kill.  
  
She answered.  
  
Hey, it's Danny. We found her.  
  
  
  
A body washed up on the beach last night. Forensics have identified her as the girl.  
  
Shit. Any thoughts on her death? Sam whispered as she looked over at Jack briefly as she walked farther away.  
  
It looks like she was knocked around a lot. Her shoulder had popped out. She didn't go easily Sam. We are going to need to have the parents come down and ID the body. Have you gotten anything from the mom?  
  
  
  
Well, hopefully seeing the body will trigger something.  
  
Great. We will see you at the police station.  
  
As she hangs up the phone, she motions for Jack. He makes a quick apology and steps away to talk to Sam. They found the body. She whispers.  
  
  
  
It washed up on the shore last night. It looks like she may have been beaten.  
  
Well, I guess we need them to ID the body.  
  
For the rest of the day everything started to unravel for the parents. THe mother broke down at the sight of her dead child. She started screaming at her husband and he screamed back. Through the fight she ended up confessing that it was an accident. She had wanted to run away with the girl. They fought a little and she accidentally shoved her over the edge. That was how her shoulder was out of joint. The mother had tried to pull her up but couldn't. Instead the child fell into the lake and drowned. The woman had hoped that nobody would find out. She had thought that everyone would just forget.  
  
So another case solved. Danny teased as he sat on Sam's desk.  
  
You know I hate it when it all goes down like this. Sam replied. I guess you two are leaving tonight, then.'  
  
I am. But I don't think Jack is. He has been on the phone with VanBuren for an hour.  
  
  
  
Sorry Sam. I think you are going to be stuck with him for awhile. Danny smirked.  
  
She laughed and turned back to her reports.  
  
I'm going to be down stairs if you need me.  
  
What time does your flight leave?  
  
  
  
We can take you to the airport.  
  
That's okay. I need to pack up anyway. I'm just going to spend a little bit with Ryan and then take off.  
  
Are you sure?  
  
Yeah. You need to deal with some stuff on your own.  
  
Sam got up and gave him a hug. Thanks s  
  
Any time chica? He winked and walked towards the elevator.  
  
Sam sat back down and shook her head. Danny was always Danny, no matter what. She heard Jack still on the phone having a semi-loud conversation. It didn't really matter who it was with she knew that he would probably tell her tonight. Now she had to concentrate on finishing up the paperwork for the case.   
  
About an hour later, Jack came over to her desk and sat on the side. So what do you think, can you deal with me for a couple of extra days?  
  
I think I can handle that. What about you? Sam smiled slightly.  
  
I just thought that maybe we should spend some time and figure out what's next.  
  
  
  
So you ready to go?  
  
Almost, I just need to finish up a couple of things.  
  
Okay well, why do I go back to the hotel and pick up my stuff?  
  
Is that a subtle way of telling me that you will be staying with me over this visit?  
  
I guess. Jack sounded a little confused. He had just assumed that he would stay with Sam.  
  
Jack, I'm kidding. You can stay with me, that's no problem. I wouldn't have ever expected you to stay in the hotel. Here are my keys. I should be ready in thirty minutes.  
  
Jack smiled and grabbed the keys. Sam loved it when he got cute with her. She wasn't quite sure what was going to happen between the two of them, but the fact that he wanted to stay at her place, definitely gave her hope.   
  
He returned a little while later. He had Ryan in his arms. So you ready yet?   
  
Yep, just about done.  
  
What do you say we go out?  
  
Oh you really don't want to see her in a restaurant.  
  
How can she be bad?  
  
Loud noises.   
  
  
  
I'll explain later, but we can pick up something.  
  
Jack sat down on the edge of her desk, like he always used to.   
  
Sam hit save a couple of times and shut down her computer. Ready to go. She smiled. Ryan was in heaven in Jack's arms. She just kept smiling and giggling at him.  
  
You know I think she's flirting with me.  
  
  
  
She must have learned it from her mom.  
  
  
  
They picked up some Chinese and ate it on the couch as Jack played with Ryan in between bites. Sam was allowed to simply watch the two of them. Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone. Sam picked it up assuming it was probably Danny telling her that he got in.   
  
It's this Samantha? The woman's voice at the other end sounded familiar but Sam couldn't remember who.  
  
Yes it is.  
  
Is he there?  
  
Excuse me? Sam answered back, the crypticness threw her off.  
  
It's Marie, is Jack there? The voice on the other end sounded annoyed and tired.  
  
Shit Sam thought, should she say no. They were getting divorced, was she still supposed to deny it.   
  
Jack must have heard her side and picked Ryan up and followed her into the kitchen. He whispered Who is it?  
  
Sam mouthed. back. Jack swiftly took the phone out of her hands.   
  
Yes, for a week. No.... I don't really need to explain myself. On that Sam decided to take Ryan out of his hands. She knew the sounds of their arguments and this was definitely the beginning of one. Ryan did not need to hear this. Sam decided to feed Ryan and get her ready for bed.  
  
She must have fallen asleep on the bed Jack came in a couple of hours later. Ryan was sleeping on Sam's bare chest. He picked her up and carried her to her crib. He then sat by Sam and watched her.  
  
She whispered as him. The sudden cold had awoken her.  
  
  
  
Nice conversation.  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
How's Katie?  
  
She has strep, the doctor thinks she'll be out for a week. She feels pretty lousy and really wants me to come home.  
  
We'll take you to the airport in the morning. Sam replied as she stroked his hand that rested on her stomach She could tell that he was frustrated, fights with Marie always frustrated him.   
  
No, I'm going to stay her a little while. Although the guilt may kill me, but Katie will get better and there really is nothing I can do.  
  
Jack, maybe you should go home. If Katie wants you to? Sam knew that Jack was torn and maybe he just needed her to tell him that it was all right.  
  
No. Marie and I will only fight and it will just get them upset. That is all Marie and I can ever do anymore. Besides I am not leaving here until we have things figured out. My life in New York is messed up, but I am not going to mess up this life. I want this to be good.  
  
She replied.  
  
No. I want this Sam. I sat down there in your kitchen realizing that for the first time in a long time I was comfortable. I love the fact knowing that you were upstairs feeding our daughter. That we have a daughter. He smiled at her.  
  
Yeah, we do. So, where do we go from here?  
  
First you answer my questions, okay? All of them and truthfully, no Sam hedging okay.  
  
  
  
Why doesn't Ryan like loud noises?  
  
Oh um, her ears. She has been getting these really bad ear infections lately and the antibiotics don't seem to be working. Although I am thinking this round may be the winner. The doctor has been discussing surgery, getting tubes put in. But I am just so iffy about it. I just think she's too young for surgery.  
  
So when you say bad you mean...  
  
Screaming fits, crying. It's really painful Jack. The worst is when you can tell that she can't hear you due to them.  
  
So what are we going to do about them?  
  
I like the sound of that. Sam smiled  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh, well I thought that I better start using it just so you don't forget I'm here.  
  
Good idea. So we are going to have a doctor's appointment on Friday and talk with him.  
  
Okay. Does he have any idea why she has gotten them so early?  
  
Because she was a preemie, he thinks.  
  
Why didn't you tell me?  
  
  
  
About her, about her birth, about you.  
  
I just thought that... Sam struggled for words. I just thought that I had ruined your life enough that I didn't need to add to it. I didn't want to bother you. I thought that I could handle it all and that I would let you go about your life.  
  
Don't you think that I would have missed you? Don't you think that I would have stopped by your office one day for coffee? Or even that the FBI rumor mill would come around  
  
I don't know. I guess, I just didn't want to think about. Jack you got to understand when I first found out, I was an emotional basket case, I was so vulnerable. All I wanted to do was run to you, but then you would come in to the office one day after a good visit with Marie and the kids and I just couldn't. You were so happy, so happy that maybe things were working out, how could I do that to you? So I ran and Danny helped. I swear Jack I don't know what I would have done without Danny. He had to fight himself every step of the way not to knock you down. But he was really good. He helped me and I can never repay him for that. He even offered to start up an office rumor about the two of us, so I could stay and play off Ryan as his.  
  
Yeah, I got that from talking to him today.  
  
What did you talk about?  
  
You and Ryan. Her birth. He told me everything Sam. Do know how hard is to hear that you were lying in some hospital bed in so much pain and I wasn't there? And the kicker was that you didn't want me there.   
  
I did want you there. I just didn't know if you should be there, if I had the right to want you there. I had decided long before the labor that under no circumstances was I going to call you. I didn't want you receive a phone call at 4 in the morning from me saying, Hey it's me. Did I wake you? That scream oh I am just in labor. Thought that you might like to know. Got to go now, your child head is coming out.' Jack that wasn't what I wanted you to hear.  
  
But you did call me.  
  
When I woke up and I was on drugs anyway. Not mentally capable of having that conversation.  
  
But you did call?  
  
I did want you to know. I just didn't know how to say it.  
  
Next question, my name is on her birth certificate, why?  
  
I guess I tried to say it then. I thought that if for some reason something should happen to me then there would be a record of who her father was, proof.  
  
You knew that I would find out one day. He kissed her forehead with the notion that she really had wanted him to be there, she really had wanted to tell him but she scared. Scared that she might do more harm to him then good. Scared that she would be the reason for a downfall in his life.  
  
Okay my turn for questions, why did you come here?  
  
For the case.  
  
Jack we could have handled this ourselves you know.  
  
I missed you and it seemed like a good excuse to see you. I had always expected that we would keep in contact when you left. But when we didn't.... I don't know I just began to realize how much I really missed having you in my life. I guess I just figured that maybe I could make you remember that feeling.  
  
Not what you expected to find.  
  
No, that is an understatement. Sam would you have ever told me? THat was the one question that Sam knew she couldn't answer. At least she couldn't answer it truthfully, not now. So instead of answering she sat up and kissed him. There was something about that kissed that calmed her.  
  
So what do you think we should now?  
  
Well I was thinking that I would stay for a week. Then maybe go back, but some things in order and take some paternity time off.  
  
VanBuren will love that. Sam smiled.  
  
I don't really care what she thinks. I do know that I need to tell Marie and maybe the girls, we'll have to see.  
  
Can I not come to that?   
  
I think that would be a good idea.  
  
She laughed. He had missed that about her, her laugh.  
  
So you think I can play house with you and Ryan for a while and then maybe we can take it from there.   
  
I think that I would like that. She kissed his forehead. Why don't you get ready for bed? And can you hand me that shirt over there.  
  
He gave her a whimpering face.  
  
Because it's cold.  
  
I can warm you up. He mumbled.  
  
She smirked and he threw the shirt at her. She smiled back at him. So this is what it could be like, she thought. As soon as she got her shirt back on and situated into the bed, Ryan started crying. Sam got up and picked her up, Jack poked his head out of the bathroom.  
  
Is she okay?  
  
She's fine. Is it okay if she sleeps with us tonight?  
  
Fine with me, but only if you promise to take your shirt off again. Jack smirks coming out of the bathroom and getting into the bed.  
  
At least, with her to protect me, you won't get too frisky. She joked back at him.  
  
Don't count on it. She needs to remember that I have not seen her mother in months. He laid next to her and kissed her. He then kissed the top of his daughter's head. He put his arm around the two of them.  
  
Hey Sam.   
  
  
  
Thank you. He whispered.  
  
Your welcome. Jack, thank you. Sam smiled at him and then kissed him. She had bad feeling that tonight she was not going to get a lot of sleep.   
  
TBC- One more chapter....


	12. Chapter 12

Title:What if  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.  
  
Chapter 12:   
  
Four months later....  
  
Would like me to keep this stuff behind the desk? The guard asked.   
  
That would be great. Sam answered shifting Ryan to another hip. She had just flown in and thought that she would surprise Jack.  
  
Nice to see you back Agent Spade.  
  
Thanks. Just visiting right now, though. She smiled and walked into the elevator, trying best to ignore her headache. Ryan had cried for the entire plane ride. Sam swears that if they could have the other passengers would have thrown her out the window. The elevator stopped at the 11th floor and Sam stepped out. She had forgotten the intensity at times of this floor. She saw Danny sitting at the conference table looking over some papers. Anything good. She asked.  
  
Danny looked up and smirked Hey you. You're early aren't you?   
  
Some incredibly nice woman got me on an earlier flight.'  
  
That was nice of her.  
  
Yeah for a brief moment Ryan was a quiet and we both thought that it would be a good idea to take advantage of that.  
  
Judging from that expression I would say no such luck.  
  
No, she cried the entire way. Is Jack around?  
  
Yeah, he should be back soon. We just ended a case. Danny answered before reaching out for Ryan. Come here little one, let's give your mom a break. I heard you were upset on the plane, want to tell me about it. So you finally did it.  
  
  
  
All packed up.  
  
The movers should be here next Tuesday.  
  
You sure your ready for this.  
  
Don't really have much of a choice. It's what Jack wants, so I'll do it.  
  
Still trying to apologize.  
  
No. Just compromising. Katie and Hannah need him too, so its not fair for me to be taking all of his time. It's just easier this way.  
  
So when is your appointment with VanBuren?  
  
On Friday.  
  
That should be fun.  
  
A party. She smirked, they both knew that it was not going to be a fun meeting and Sam was probably going to get a crappy assignment. But she was ready for it. She and Jack had talked about it and Sam felt that it would be okay. An easy assignment would make the adjustment easier for her in the long run.   
  
Look who is here. Vivian said walking up behind them. Martin was tagging along  
  
Sam smiled and gave the woman a hug. They hadn't always gotten along, but when it came down to it the two women were friends and Sam had really missed her.  
  
You look good.  
  
You too. Hey Martin. Sam gave him a quick hug.  
  
So this must be Ryan. Vivian asked walking over. Well it is good to finally meet you. Your Daddy keeps talking about you. She's adorable Samantha.  
  
  
  
I thought that you were coming in on a later flight. Vivian asked as she picked Ryan up and started bouncing her on her hip.  
  
Yeah we did. I just got on an earlier one, I thought that I could catch her when she was sleeping, but it didn't seem to work.  
  
Yeah, they always hate flying. Jack will be surprised to see you.  
  
Where is he?  
  
He had to stop and talk with VanBuren. But he should be down soon. Look at how big you are? She said as she watched Ryan stand. Is this new?  
  
Yeah, watch out though she has a habit of kicking. Sam smiled at her daughter who had suddenly gotten very giggly. Sam turned to look at what she was laughing at. Jack had just come into the office talking to VanBuren. He did not look very happy. When he looked up though his whole facial expression changed. He had gone back to work two weeks ago, getting things all set up for Sam and Ryan to move back. Ryan had completely missed her father, especially since he had become a stay at home dad during the past three months.  
  
There's your daddy. Vivian smiled, making sure to keep hold of her while she bounced around.  
  
Hey baby. Jack said quickly walking over to his daughter before she slipped out of Vivian's fingers. Ryan just kept giggling. He kissed her forehead. This is a surprise, your early.  
  
We caught an earlier flight. Sam smiled, semi-upset that she didn't get a kiss but since VanBuren was standing right there it would not have been that appropriate. Agent VanBuren. Sam acknowledged.  
  
Agent Spade. It is good to see you again. This must be Ryan. The woman replied watching the child.  
  
  
  
  
Very cute. Well I should back upstairs. Jack, I will talk to you tomorrow and Agent Spade your coming in on Friday. right?  
  
If that is still good for you?  
  
Fine see you then. The woman walked away. Sam was a bit curious what she was talking with Jack about. Her curiosity left her as she felt a peck on her cheek.  
  
He whispered. Where is your stuff?  
  
  
  
Okay let's go and get it. I'm going to bring Sam home and I will see you all tomorrow.  
  
Sam smiled and gave Danny one more hug. I guess that means me too. See you all.  
  
Hey Sam, Martin started, good to have you back.  
  
Sam smiled at him. This was the first time that he had talked since she had seen him. Jack smiled at her as she entered the elevator.  
  
Are you ready to be back? He asked.  
  
Talk to me in the morning. So what were you and VanBuren talking about?  
  
Work, we'll talk about it later. Right now I just want to relish that my two girls are home. I missed you. He said pulling Sam closer to him.  
  
Yeah, we missed you too. Sam smiled. She was amazed how easy it was to be a family with Jack. How much she actually enjoyed it, how comfortable it had made her feel. Moving back to New York was the first step in making this family permanent. Jack had already started talking about marriage with her and they were in the process of getting Ryan's last name changed to Malone. They were moving into a new apartment, close to the bridge so Jack could see his girls easily. Everything was falling in to place and Sam could not have been happier. It almost made her cry, when she remembers how scared she had been and how alone she had felt. Seeing Jack now with Ryan, she knew that this was all meant to be. That there affair was not some stupid fling. That he was very much in love with her and that she was with me. The best thing was that for the first time in her life she trusted a man and that made it all better. She knew that whatever happens in the future, he will be there no matter what.  
  
What are you thinking? Jack asked as he opened the door to his apartment.  
  
  
  
He prodded.  
  
It's just good to be home. She smiled.


End file.
